Keeping Romance Alive After Years of Marriage

Keeping Romance Alive After Years of Marriage

Sometimes it's the little things you've let go that make the hottest impact.

After you've been married for a while, things start to change in your relationship. It's an evolution that happens to us all, and it isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's all part of growing together and getting more comfortable sharing your lives. When you're married, you share certain responsibilities, struggles and joys that didn't factor in to the dating relationship. Everything goes from yours and mine to ours. It's the way things should be.


However, all that familiarity and shared responsibility can affect the romance department. The excitement, adventure and even seduction that's all super fun in the dating phase isn't as intense a theme when you're focused on working towards common goals, paying bills, handling everyday challenges and, for some, parenting together. Those things all become the top priorities at romance begins to sink lower and lower on the to-do list.

That doesn't mean romance isn't important. In fact, it's more important than ever. Romance is what keeps the sparks flying and connect you on an intimate level you share with no one else. If you don't make an effort towards that special intimacy, you can start to feel like you're partners in life, but not so much lovers anymore. The love is still there, but that enticing ember that calls you to each other in that intimate way starts to feel foreign to your relationship.


There are little things you can do to help keep fueling that flame though. And the good news is that it's not all about grandiose romantic gestures and trips to Tahiti. Sometimes it's the little things that you shared when the romance was hot and fresh that add a little mystery and suspense to your relationship.


For example, lock the doors when you're in the bathroom. Sounds weird, right? Part of what saps the energy in a married couple's romantic relationship is the 24 hour access and complete comfort between you. After you've been married for five years, when your husband walks into the bathroom while you're showering, there's absolutely nothing naughty about it, like in the dating days. Locking that door is intriguing, and when you sweep out of there, freshly showered and perfumed in nothing but a robe, chances are, he's going to notice.


Also, in the interest of rekindling the flames of new-found love's romance, occasionally do some of the little things that you used to when you were first dating. Send a romantic mid-day text. Bust out a pet name you haven't called him in a while. Enjoy long slow kisses. Shave your legs when it's NOT your anniversary. Show him that you still see him for the sexy guy you fell in love with.


Marriage is a lot of work, and as the years go by, life takes twists and turns that can push romance aside. It's important to keep working on the intimate, romantic side of your relationship, because it's a healthy part of being in love. If you bring back the “lover” in your love, those flames will continue to burn bright between you.