When is Divorce a Good Idea?

DivorceWow! I thought the saying was, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned", but after reading Sandra Tsing Loh's article in the Atlantic Monthly, I'm going to have to radically change that perspective. Perhaps, "Hell hath no fury like a woman trapped in an unsatisfying marriage" would be a more accurate description of today's Supermom/wife who has so many responsibilities that saving a marriage seems like the last on a list of long, unsatisfying household chores.

Her basic attitude towards her marriage, which she is on the cusp of ending,  seems to be "What's the use?" As a wife with a husband who was on the road much of the time, she had to take care of the kids' needs, the household chores, the bills, etc, (all under the imagined watchful eye of Feminists making sure she did her part for a successful household), the reality of "sparking up her marriage" did not not appeal to her in the least.  This is not to say that she reached her conclusion easily, but that when she did (at her therapist’s office), she felt that it was the correct one.

Her announcement sets off waves at her weekly girl’s dinners.  Apparently, almost every woman Sandra meets for dinner on her weekly girl's nights out feels trapped in a sexless marriage or has the feeling that they are staying together "for the children." Shock ensues one night when one of her friends announces that she, too, is considering divorce. The others protest that she has the "perfect husband" primarily based on a unique kitchen-remodel he did himself (is this what we base our marriages on now?), but Rachel has reasons of her own to consider ending the marriage: no sex and ruthless criticism for small things, reminding us that we don’t really have a true window into the marriage’s of others, even our closest friends.

Sandra's article also points out America's unique fascination with marriage.  More than most countries in countless surveys, Americans contend that we believe strongly in the institution of marriage as a whole. The paradox lies in the fact that we also believe in the Divorce and maintain the highest divorce rate in the world, which again alludes to the hypocrisy theme that pervades much of our culture. So, as we stroll down the aisle, maybe it is a little easier for us to do so, because in the back of our minds, somewhere deep-down, we know that we can get out of it if absolutely necessary.

Sandra’s article raises a few important questions: does a woman have a responsibility to “make it work” no matter what? When is it ok to get divorced if you have kids and why do certain marriages look so good on paper but feel so badly behind closed doors?