Stop Looking for Love
LoveFor anyone who is looking for love, let me give you one piece of advice – STOP!
I have a zillion guy friends and a few girl friends that are always asking me to hook them up with a friend or find them a nice girl/guy. I am not in any way shape or form a match maker, but I always try to help out when I can. The first thing I tell all my friends – stop looking. That is seriously the best piece of advice I can give anyone. When you are not looking for love (or anything for that matter), it always turns up right in front of your eyes. Ever notice that when you are out shopping for something that you have to have right now, such as a cute mini dress or a nice suit, when you are looking you can never find the right one. A week or two later, you find a million super cute mini dresses or that perfect pin stripe suit. No, this is not because they just came into season, it is because you were looking too hard.
Every single relationship I have been in (and there has been quite a few), I have never once looked for love or a relationship. Since I am never looking, men are always popping in my face. Not just the guys that are fun to date, but amazing guys that would make a great boyfriend and who knows maybe even a great husband or father for my children later down the line. My current boyfriend for example, neither of us was looking for a relationship or love. I had just gotten out of a relationship a few months back and I really wanted to finally have me time and focus on my career goals. Same with my boyfriend, he was really focused on his career and he did not want to date or have any kind of distraction from his career goals, which were within reach. One day we just accidently happen to meet, neither of us looking for it (actually, both NOT looking) and BAM, we were hooked. I am not sure what exactly happened that day, but it must have been fate. We have been together ever since, and we are now even talking marriage.
Have you ever been on a job interview, especially with the way the economy is now, and you just want the job so bad that the employer or your interviewer can smell your desperation and will not hire you because you seem too desperate? That is just as bad as using cheesy pick up lines to get the girl of your dreams. No one wants someone who is overly desperate, even if it is a self conscious thing. So, please, wash out of your mind that you are looking for a partner.
Trust me on this. Like I have stated before, I have had several friends desperate to find the love of their life. Once they stopped looking, they found it. The whole time that they were looking though, they were miserable. Please, just take this one simple piece of advice – STOP looking for love, it will find you!
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Only a woman would write this
With respect, only a woman would write this article.
For women, finding attention and male love may just 'happen' without looking. A fairly attractive woman gets 'propositioned' (subtly and not) daily.
But men inhabit a different reality, called 'being male.'
A man that doesn't actively seek out women for relationships stays single, and spends a lot of time at home lonely. Attractive women do not, as a rule, walk up to him on a regular basis, seeking his phone number. Men must be looking for female companionship, constantly seeking out women if they hope to find a girlfriend, or stay forever single.
You wrote: "Since I am never looking, men are always popping in my face"
This is why attractive women don't NEED to look for love. It finds them. Daily.
Try being really unattractive for a month, see what happens.
"...Same with my boyfriend, he was really focused on his career and he did not want to date or have any kind of distraction from his career goals, which were within reach. "
I'm sorry to inform you, but your boyfriend 'LIED' to you (men do this) about being focused on his career and not wanting any distraction from his career. Really? Then why did he start dating? (Go ahead, ask your boyfriend, of course he'll deny the lie. ) Men who don't want relationships don't have them. Period. The truth is men use this lie because it make them seem unavailable, and not desperate. It works, I use it.
The next part was the funniest, and let's me know your boyfriend knows exactly what he's doing:
"One day we just accidently happen to meet, neither of us looking for it (actually, both NOT looking) and BAM, we were hooked. I am not sure what exactly happened that day, but it must have been fate."
1) The truth is you may not have been looking for it, but he most certainly was. Men not looking don't find it- our radar turns off, and we actually become unavailable for romantic relationships.
And 2), the GOAL of pursuing a woman is to make the 'magic' seem like it just 'happened'. Trust me, this takes A LOT of work and planning, to make it just magically seem like its happening. Successful men know this, and work to make it seem like "it must have been fate." You can read it in "How to Succeed With Women." Those special dates where special things just seemed to happen? Yeah, those were planned. You conclude 'it must have been fate.' Oh, really?
If you don't believe me about all this, here's a litmus test: Ask any obese woman (200+ pounds) if love just 'happens' to find them when they're not looking for it, or ever. No, they must pursue.
Here's another: Put a personal ad on a dating personals site (there are free ones), one as a woman, one as a man. Use the same ad, everything the same except gender. Use a reasonably attractive picture for both ads, or not at all. Now, COUNT how many replies you get. My count: Woman 200+ Man 1 (from an obese woman.)
You're advice "Stop Looking for Love" is probably good advice for attractive women, it certainly makes them seem less desperate and like bio-clock watchers, so I'm sure it works. But for unattractive women and men, this is HORRIBLE advice. My advice: Go after what you want, improve yourself, and get it!