The Male Equivalent of Faking an Orgasm: Fake Listening
I am expert at telling at a glance when people are Faking Listening, especially my partner. Here are some helpful cues for you:
- No eye contact
- If you are talking and the other person gets up, it could be a sign that they are not interested and are pretending to listen. Stop talking immediately and see what happens.
- Agreement to statements opposite to what they would say normally. For example, if you are in the middle of a conversation with your husband and he happens to agree to a trip to Paris when you are aware that he is really a penny-pincher, don't get too excited about the trip. If he follows the typical male pattern (and no I am not talking about male pattern baldness), he will be confused and feign ignorance to the entire conversation.
- Nods without comment.
- Saying yes instead of no to indicate he is listening. (I don't recommend trapping your partner in a situation in which he is not listening, but this can sometimes be the best way to tell his modus operandi, so to speak.)
The ramifications are not nearly as funny as the cues. When a man Fakes Listening in a relationship (or a woman, but this happens significantly less), it signals to their partner that they are not valuable. More than this, it is a break-down in communication. I know as a woman that I tend to talk too much, but please do not pretend to listen to what I am saying. It might be difficult for a man to understand, but some of what I am saying could actually be important or have bearing on the partner's immediate or future plans.
Faking Listening can also have a similar effect of Faking an Orgasm. Just as a woman faking an orgasm would give a man the idea that he is a Sex God, a man faking listening could be giving his partner the idea that she is knowledgable about topics that she is not, or generally speaking, make her unfit for conversation in society.
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Timing
I know I'm going to get horrible hate mail for this, but here goes:
A LARGE part of the reason why men 'fake-listen' is TIMING. A man is not always AVAILABLE for listening when a woman wants to talk (now); his mind may be elsewhere, or his interest distracted (e.g. watching TV.) Just as a woman may like sex, but not on a man's schedule, so it goes with men and listening- they'll fake it to please their partner the sooner to get back to what they were doing, and not put in any effort.
(Yes, he should listen to you right now, but no, that's not how men work.)
Ladies, and I mean this with love, the BEST time to talk to a man is when he's relaxed and not distracted or involved in something. Learn this: Unlike Women, Men can only do one thing well at a time!!
Good: Over Dinner (turn off the TV), while walking, while cuddling, while having a drink together.
Bad: Watching TV after work (he's unwinding, not relaxing, know the difference!), while he's working on something or fixing anything, while he's reading, on the phone. Especially NOT immediately before or after work.
Actually, myself and most men I know do want to listen and hear from our partners, but timing is VERY important to men.
The only problem I have with
The only problem I have with your statement is that it implies men do no hour long rambling conversations. I have to "listen" for hours about things I have no interest in from him so he better damned well listen about my freaking shoes.
My point:
"Ladies, and I mean this with love, the BEST time to talk to a man is when he's relaxed and not distracted or involved in something. Learn this: Unlike Women, Men can only do one thing well at a time!!"
Men need to learn to do this too. When I'm busy I really don't give a hoot what you said to who at work or how you plan to upgrade the power washer.
Timing
I know I'm going to get horrible hate mail for this, but here goes:
A LARGE part of the reason why men 'fake-listen' is TIMING. A man is not always AVAILABLE for listening when a woman wants to talk (now); his mind may be elsewhere, or his interest distracted (e.g. watching TV.) Just as a woman may like sex, but not on a man's schedule, so it goes with men and listening- they'll fake it to please their partner the sooner to get back to what they were doing, and not put in any effort.
(Yes, he should listen to you right now, but no, that's not how men work.)
Ladies, and I mean this with love, the BEST time to talk to a man is when he's relaxed and not distracted or involved in something. Learn this: Unlike Women, Men can only do one thing well at a time!!
Good: Over Dinner (turn off the TV), while walking, while cuddling, while having a drink together.
Bad: Watching TV after work (he's unwinding, not relaxing, know the difference!), while he's working on something or fixing anything, while he's reading, on the phone. Especially NOT immediately before or after work.
Actually, myself and most men I know do want to listen and hear from our partners, but timing is VERY important to men.
funny
no, i'm not going to tear you to pieces for that. if i had such clear instructions from my own partner, maybe i wouldn't have to deal with so much of the fake listening on my own. :)
There's also the matter of
There's also the matter of the relevancy bucket... Even while my dear means everything to me, realizing something like she didn't realize her shoes were navy until she got to work is not relevant to me or the two of us at this point in time. That said, it can still get to be a bad habit, like a crutch phrase.