The Internet and Dating Etiquette
Though it has been a major part of our society for approximately 15 years, it seems the Internet is still a bit of a cultural wild west. For some reason standards for etiquette and common decency haven't fully integrated into the way we use this technology. I hear questions and complaints about the problems Internet communication present to the dating experience, so here are a few pointers on how to use the Net for romantic pursuits.
First off, it's patently absurd that people apply two different sets of expectations to online and offline interactions. Whenever you approach someone through the Internet, try to imagine that you're interacting with this individual in person. If it's something you wouldn't do when face-to-face with someone, it's almost certainly not acceptable on the Internet either. For example, sending revealing pictures of yourself to a stranger online is not all that different from being in a state of undress in public. Similarly, including intimate details about yourself in a dating site profile is not only a bit dangerous, it's also off-putting. Would you approach a stranger at a bar and start spilling personal information without hesitation?
There are also a number of issues that seem to crop up more often by gender. While the following problems are by no means exclusive to a particular sex, they do tend to fall on one side or the other more frequently.
Men: I don't care what particular medium you're using to find potential dates online, you still have a responsibility to be respectful and grown-up to your prospects. Pick-up lines are twice as obnoxious in print, while pictures of yourself wearing dumpy clothes and being generally unkempt are just unacceptable. Put your best foot forward. The people you contact are going to assume that these are the best pictures you have. Ratty t-shirts and three days' stubble make awful first impressions.
Women: I know there are a lot of creeps out there, but don't make the decent guys suffer for their mistakes. If someone contacts you through some kind of online social program (and he's at least decent), it's simply bad manners to ignore him entirely if you're not interested in him. Find ways to politely decline. This behavior will help keep you open-minded and sympathetic. Just because dating sites behave like catalogs doesn't mean that the people who use them don't have feelings.
When it comes to meeting an online connection in person, the rules for standard dating don't change just because you met under such circumstances. Rid your mind of the easy click-away mentality of the Internet. Also (and this one is important), you can only "trick" someone into meeting you once. Putting false information in an online profile is lying, plain and simple. Using pictures that are not representative of how you currently look or otherwise presenting misleading details of your lifestyle are great ways to ensure you'll never get a second date. Remember that your Internet persona can't come out into the real world. You are who you are; telling people you're something else will do nothing but keep you from meeting people who are interested in you.
The moral of the Internet dating story is that honesty still rules the day. Be kind, tell the truth and respect your peers. Computer screens don't have to be a wall between people trying to connect.
