I want to be forthcoming about my past. I had no idea what true relationships were. I thought cheating was acceptable and one gets married because thats what you do so you can come home to someone-even though you may be seeing other girls on the side. I dated lots of barely legal girls who were both smart and dumb. I picked up women at book stores, bars, and at school. I also slept with lots of women in my early twenties. I used the fact that I am funny and my non-threatening nature-or so I have been told-to my advantage.

As a guy its not unexpected that I have had the past I have, but as a person who believes in true love and romance I can't quite reconcile what I have done. I can't believe that I have dated some of the crazy girls that I have. I fell in love with many of these girls and was surprised when they cheated on me or turned my life upside down. I didn't see any of this as a big deal. It was what was expected.

Then I had someone that completely threw me for a loop when I was 24 going on 25. She lied to me and was a little too friendly with her ex. She was an indecisive girls that sent all these different signals. She partied too much and cared too little. I of course fell in love with her right away because she was beautiful with a cute high pitched voice. She was truly a stunner, so I accepted her aloofness. I met her parents, she met mine, and I contemplated marrying her. Then she lied and she cheated. For some reason when she broke up with me via text and wouldn't pick up my phone calls, just text back and forth, I realized that my life had turned in to one massive piece of shit. 

Who was I? How had I let my life get this far off course? I wanted to find someone that loved me and that I loved. How could I expect that to happen as I chased after these silly, silly girls that didn't even like me. I am being honest with that because deep down I don't think they did. Maybe they thought they loved me, but young women like to drop the I LOVE YOU a little too quickly. Or, at least the ones I was with. It was like their answer to being aloof and uncaring and I fell for it.

The following months I found myself wanting to go after the same type of women. I had a type: crazy, indecisive women. I was talking with my uncle, who has been married 25 years, about love and marriage. He told me some advice that would change my life. He told me that the person you marry and are right with should be your best friend. They should listen to you, care for you, and you should have a bond with them like a best friend. You should like being around them on your roughest days. They should like being around you. I had never thought about it that way before. He went on to tell me that things change as you get older, so it is even more important to be with someone who cares for you as a person.

What he said struck a chord. I was getting older and as a career-oriented person it is especially important to find someone who can put up with a crazy schedule. I slowly realized I had to find someone in my wheelhouse (I LOVE brunettes) that didn't have all the signals I used to look for. They shouldn't be eager to come home with me right away. They should listen to me and the people around them. They had to be a good friend first. I would have to tell them my sad, dirty, real truths that I held deep inside. The dreaded "number" (of sexual partners), my childhood, and all the other things I didn't tell the women I dated before. I would have to share those parts of myself that I was afraid someone wouldn't love.

Yes, it is hard to break out of the cycles you get drawn in to romantically. The abused usually ends up with an abuser, the loud person ends up with a shy one, which is fine if it works. But if you increasingly realize that the one you love is hated by everyone ( no, but her is nice to you, you may think) he/she may be an ass. If everyone questions all your relationship choices, may be just may be they may be on to something. That is when it is time to step back and try to look at your relationship choices objectively.  It is time to see if what you are doing is healthy for you. I say this because it is important not to lose sight of who you want to be. Yeah, one day who you are may just kill who you want to be and there will be no getting them back.